Hi, my name is Alberto. I'm from San Francisco. I am a 15 year old musician, DJ, EDM producer and possibly your best friend, follow me if your lost.
My friend said this, “All you have to be is straight forward. I called the girl I liked and was very straight forward. I said ‘Why can’t you realize that I love you? That’ll catch you when you fall and that I’ll be there for you when you cry. I’ll treat you better than any other guy and I am just so in love with you it hurts.’ and now she’s my girlfriend.” And all I could say was, “I wish it were that easy for me”
I will tell you the truth because this is the truth itself. I am not happy. I am not as happy as people might see me as. I have always hated myself. No matter how much support I get so I can become happy, I seem to accept it at the moment and then I build it up only to take it out on myself later. I understand people are their to talk to but what is the use? They will only say, “I understand” and “I think you should do this…”. And in the end of the day, it’s my mentally that crushes on itself. “O I wasn’t good enough for her because she’s left me two times” or “O I let her down because I couldn’t do this with them”. Simply, I have only met two people in my life that have praised my exsistance. One of which is currently not talking to me and one of them is. The one that is not talking to me, I have seemed to have let down twice. Although we both acknowledge the first time was on both of our parts, this second time I think I really let her down. Due to my overwhelming presence that I have around her, she has decided to stop talking to me. Many people have told me to move on and let her go but honestly, I can’t, she is one of the most important people in my life. Every time I see walking in the hallway, she’s happy, and I think I get sad for two reasons, one, because I am not making her happy and two, she’s perfectly fine without me and I don’t like that. Along with watching her walk by, my mood goes to sad really really quick. I can’t stand watching her walk by me without calling me, “basic” or giving me a big warm hug. I miss her and that is one of my problems, I am a fool for her. Now, onto the girl that is actually talking to me. She makes me happy, she grabs my pinky for safety, I walk her to her classes, she gives me hugs like I haven’t seen her in years. She’s a pretty amazing girl. Like I said in the beginning, I seem to accept the support at the moment and then I build it all up to take it out on myself later. She helps me so much, she’s an incredible girl, beautiful, stunning eyes and just good to be around with. She always seems to help me, so shoutout to her. But, it’s not that she is lacking in BEING HER, I just have an awful mentality. For a moment, I think everything is perfect and everything will be ok, but the reality is, it’s just routine. There will always be a reason why I shouldn’t be happy at the end of the day. Like, I didn’t speak up, I didn’t tell her how I really feel, I am annoying, I ask her too many questions. I will never be happy, and I need to accept that. My happiness will never get back to how it use to.
it’s official, I hate myself, again
what makes my reality, become an insanity?
A mere of a couple words stops my heart and stops my reality and makes me realize I am living in a insanity
I can’t get my mind straight
I think she’s wasting my time
And I think that she just came a little too late
But all in all, that isn’t a crime